These past five months have been a tumultuous roller coaster of emotions. I knew my TomTom was sick but never realized the grave severity of it. It happened so fast and I feel we were all cheated and it is so unfair. My heart still hurts for the loss his family, girlfriend and all of his friends endured. My other half who was Tom's best friend/"brother from another" is deeply affected and devastated and probably will forever be broken by this. This is not a loss one gets over. I know the saying "with time, the pain will subside." I don't think that saying holds truth. We learn to move on and live without our loved ones in our life, but I think the more time goes on, sometimes the more painful it becomes. I think of him and it hurts; I hear songs on the radio that remind me of him and I can either smile or cry. I think of the future, and knowing Tom won't be in it really upsets me. But, I know he is out of pain, not suffering anymore, and believe he is in a better place. I know he is not physically here, but spiritually he is. <3
Still Unbearable
Unbearable Loss
I first met Tom when I was 14. Me and my sisters used to call him "swing boy" because he would always be at the park on the swing with his sketch book. On this particular day 16 years ago, me and my sister Sam decided to befriend him since he was alone on a swing sketching away. Tom was the best artist I knew. His art was stunning and always amazed me. He had just moved to Hastings around this time and we were one of his first friends he made there. Since that day, we maintained a special friendship that lasted up until Wednesday, March 6th 2011 when God needed another Angel in Heaven. Tom was always a loving, caring, gentle, and genuine soul and he always had a way to make me smile. I will forever miss him and truly love him, especially because of him, I'm lucky to call his best friend "mine."
Tom fought the ultimate battle of cancer. He was such a courageous, brave soul and I will forever be proud of the fight he put up. He was a warrior up until his last breath. Heartbreaking and tragic as it was to watch him pass away, Heaven must have needed another Angel, and he was chosen. I miss him but I know one day in some far off place, I will recognize his face, and we will meet again. ♥ ♥ ♥
Happy New Year 2011!
Another year has passed so fast! The older I get, the faster time flies. It really makes me cherish every minute of life. I wish you all a new year filled with happiness, good health and prosperity. This is my year...and I kicked it off right and spent a week in beautiful Puerto Rico! It won't stop there. We plan on traveling a lot more from now on. I have made it my New Year's Resolution to enjoy life more. Given my hectic, stressful lifestyle, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become something I yearn.
Please Support AFSP
I was hesitant about writing this post; not because I am ashamed of what happened, but because I don't want people asking questions. I very rarely share the cause of my uncles’ deaths and never tell strangers it happened. Most people are just curious but they don't know or understand the depth of the emotional pain; it truly is devastating. This post is in memory of my uncles who got lost along the way and left us too early. They were loved and will forever be in my heart and dreams. I wish I could have helped them find their way. The only consolation I try to hold on to is believing they are in a happier place. This post is also for those who struggle with life, the stigma of having a mental illness (and do not seek help) and to all those who did ask for help (but did not get it), my thoughts and prayers are with you.
It is unfortunate that there is a stigma attached to suicide. By supporting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), we can publicize the magnitude of the problems of depression and suicide, advocating for policies and legislation that can help prevent suicide and work to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide. *SUICIDE IS PREVENTABLE*
You can support AFSP today by giving a generous donation; or if you are unable to donate at this time, there are many ways you can help by educating the public. Awareness is truly important. We have to alert the public about suicide and depression. Please visit AFSP for more information. Finally, see below for some alarming National Statistics:
* Over 33,000 people in the United States die by suicide every year.
* A person dies by suicide about every 16 minutes in the United States. An attempt is estimated to be made once every minute.
* Suicide is the fifth leading cause of death among those 5-14 years old; third leading cause of death among those 15-24 years old; and the fourth leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 18 and 65 years in the United States;
* Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.
* Risk factors for suicide among the young include suicidal thoughts, psychiatric disorders (such as depression, impulsive aggressive behavior, bipolar disorder, certain anxiety disorders), drug and/or alcohol abuse and previous suicide attempts, with the risk increased if there is situational stress and access to firearms.
* Over 60 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. If one includes alcoholics who are depressed, this figure rises to over 75 percent.
* Depression is among the most treatable of psychiatric illnesses. Between 80 percent and 90 percent of people with depression respond positively to treatment, and almost all patients gain some relief from their symptoms. But first, depression has to be recognized.
* Alcoholism is a factor in about 30 percent of all completed suicides.
** In Loving Memory of George (2000) and Greg (2006) **
You were quite the endearing one
Charming, Smart and Clever
You made me your "Special One"
You have been my guiding light
Through happiness and tears
All my major accomplishments
Not always first being clear
Now that I am older
You no longer hold my hand
Instead you guide me in the right direction
No longer having to use such discretion
Thank you is not enough
For all you have been to me
One day I will show you
Just how much you mean to me
For now I think this will do
I love you not only for who you are
But most importantly
Who I turned out to be
Written for the man I am lucky to have met...
Happy 2010!
Here we are again!! I can't believe we are entering the year of 2010! Just yesterday, I remember getting all ready to move into the new millennium. Where does the time go?
I have had a year filled with happiness, new beginnings, tears, sadness, disappointments and losses. However, I am grateful for the wonderful family I have. My partner of 10 years is truly a blessing and keeps me grounded. I am lucky to have such amazing parents, sisters who are my best friends, and a niece who is my little angel! It is very easy to harp on the negative, but I learned many times this year, that life should never be taken for granted. You never do know when your time is up. You should enjoy every minute you have, and not sweat the little stuff in life!!
I do have a few resolutions for the new year. After about a 6 month hiatus, I shall return to the gym and start to eat a bit better; I LOVE my snacks, but it's time to cut alot of them out! I want to try to stop being so hard on myself. I really am my own worst critic! Lastly, I am going to try my hardest to put my college degree (which I worked so HARD for) to good use at a job that is both rewarding and appreciative of me.
Wishing you all a HAPPY and HEALTHY NEW YEAR!!!
Vindication
You were hurting me
While I was blinded by the truth
You threw the false in front of me
While I was crying
You were laughing
While I was loving
You were lying
While I was getting over you
You were into me
While I was over you
You were loving me
Circa 1998..I came to realize that after the storm comes the rainbow :)
